Camellia - alive, befor Eric/a's operation

 

 

Camellia dead- shot by the secret police in mistaken believe it was Cheri Blair

 

 

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Why embarrase yourself with legs like these, when with a little help from Erica's beauty products you can -

 

 

sun bathe with confidence.

 

 

 

Why go onto onto the beach with an unblemished bottom, when you can purchase buttock spots like-

 

 

These

 

Thank you everyone, particularly the International Federation of Undertakers, for all their kind wishes and get well cards.

Following the terrible accident with a certain invention wherein my balls were seriously macerated, I travelled to Brazil for medical treatment. Well to cut a very long and traumatic story short (not just the story as it happens) my balls and indeed my John Thomas could not be saved but due to the skills of my surgeon, Pedro Poncey, I had transplanted the sexual organ of a female camel. Security police tragically killed the poor camel, Camellia, when they mistakenly identified her as Cheri Blair.
Anyway, as I am now without wedding tackle it seems only right that I change my name from Eric der Engineer to Erica der Engineer but do not despair as I have opened a Ladies and Gentleman's cosmetic factory and will offer my products to The Divine Church of Streetism for world wide marketing.
Our first range of Cosmetics will be 'THE Summer Collection' and details will be posted here before any press releases to the worldwide media Erica

 

 

Beautification of Ladies & Gentlemen Legs.

Here is the first of Erica der Engineers beauty products.

As this is the first product to be released from "Toilettes de Laboratoire" Erica thought it best if it was suitable for both Ladies and Gentlemen. Yes it's summer and as we all rush to change from our frocks and trousers into shorts, in a vane attempt to emulate the skin colours of our sisters and brothers from foreign climes, one must remember the beautification of ones legs, if one is to remain attractive.
Some of us are fortunate to have naturally beautiful legs but those of us without varicose veins know how self conscious we are without this wonderful adornment. YES Erica der Engineer has the answer to cure your embarrassment with Self Adhesive Silicone Varicose Veins, no longer will one envy the confidence of those sporting this loverly leg protrusion; mowing the lawn, walking the cat, calling in at the Rye CyberCafe - all is now possible! Erica's varicose veins are available in various colours including puke purple, gangrenous green and bullmanic blue. AND in various widths from thread vein right up to ulcerated.
Can YOU possibly be without this amazing break through in cosmetic science? Of course you can't - contact The Divine Church of Streetism, our sole UK distributors NOW.

Policy Statement: Erica der Engineer and "Toilettes de Laboratoire" absolutely guarantees all our our products are tested on animals. Kittens usually

 

 

An Erica der Engineer product from her summer range of cosmetics and beautification products for both Ladies and Gentlemen:

Yes its summer and before one rips of ones underclothes to be replaced with the obligatory Lurex thong has one checked for Buttock Spots, well has one?
The modern trend is to scrub ones buttocks with a brush but this destroys the breeding site for the bacteria that infect ones skin and so produces the puss spots so favoured by pornographic film producers. So, if one is so desired to wear a thong or star in porno films and gain respect from fellow strutters of stuff then one just must have Buttock Spots.
Erica der Engineers Buttock Spots, produced by "Toilettes de Laboratoire" are so realistic that Qeenie Higgingbottoms husband spent a complete afternoon squeezing and prodding just 19 spots resulting in the release of almost 500 m/ltrs of sebum/puss look alike material - yes 500 m/ltrs from just 19 spots, just think what a full compliment of say 43 Buttock Spots could produce. Ladies and Gentlemen you can order your Erica der Engineer Buttock Spots direct from the Divine Church of Streetism. Manufactured from pure latex and discreetly filled with sebum/puss look alike gunge (actually its Birds Eye Custard) the spots are vacuum sealed in packs of seven. Special GentlemenÕs spots are available with a nice single masculine thick black hair protruding from the centres while Ladies specials include spots with three masculine hairs protruding from the centres.
This summer be cool and proudly adorn ones buttocks with Erica der Engineers spots and be the envy of all and sundry. Buttock Boils and Abscess are available to special order.

(For our colonial cousins in North America please read Zits in place of the word Spots)

 

 

Please remember, when ordering Erica's products to include length of legs, if you only want to adorn one leg with Erica's varicose veins please state which leg - left or right.
To work out how many buttock spots you may need, use this formula. One packet of spots = area of buttock x 2 = 2 Buttocks + pi. r. sq.
Please remember to include credit card details with order, all orders guaranteed to be despatched within twenty one days.

 

All products produced by Toilettes de Laboratoire can only be purchased through the Divine Church of Streetism. BEWARE OF FAKES